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Mike Johnson sold his soul long years ago;
Three Russian oligarchs saw fit he's paid
to vote however winds in Moscow blow,
and never send Zekenskyy urgent aid.
Republicans once served a noble cause:
an end to bondage! All men must be free!
More recently, they're not big fans of laws
that benefit somebody who's not"me".
While Putin's projects dominate the Hill,
our nation's business isn't getting done.
Agenda written by a Kremlin shill
set back what progress Biden has begun.
When politicians look abroad for bucks,
it's hard to feign surprise that we're so fucked.

hypocrites and traitors

The treason Putin purchased in Ukraine
impaired defense, but failed to throw the war.
Abroad, his rubles bought him greater gain;
and TrumptyDumpty proved his eager whore.
A world ablaze, the Speaker doesn't care;
Trump'd laid his stubby hands on Johnson's head.
While unctuous traces linger in his hair
he won't betray the manger where he's fed.
Where piety and lucre so collude,
compassion for the living's shoved aside.
A million who'd have lived, had they had food
don't prick his conscience as they've starved, and died.
The Kremlin Caucus help their master kill
and piously profess to serve God's will.

when anarchists rule

The party of dysfunction's dropped the reins;
A nation's business isn't getting done.
Sedition Caucus thinks it's all a game,
with Gingrich coaching them to have such fun.
Our Founding Fathers feared 'democracy'
meant throwing treasure to the witless mob.
It's plain for anyone with eyes to see
we've seated fools, unfit to do the job.
McCarthy and Scalise don't want the role
of roping factions to a common cause.
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold,
when legislatures violate the laws.
"A house divided" Lincoln warned "can't stand"
Our proud republic's built on such loose sand.

millenialist

Mike Johnson sees a fire he wants to stoke
by slashing revenues that make wheels turn.
As Speaker of the House, this guy's a joke;
he only took the job to watch it burn.
The greenest Speaker since McKinley's day,
knows nothing of how funds are raised, or spent.
So sure the dice must fall big donors' way,
his bogus "offset" wouldn't save a cent.
Christ's kingdom's all he really cares about;
he'd just sojourning in the tawdry life.
His bags are packed, he's jonesing to get out
and "devil take the hindmost"(or his wife).
As sure as Lot that none of it's his fault
as Rapture looms, he'll do without the salt.

vayera

God tested Avraham; those files are sealed;
We're free to speculate on the result.
For cities on the Plain, he'd wheel and deal
but for his own, won't protest, nor consult.
For Muslims, the prime virtue's to submit,
but Jews object where some consent, and nod.
This episode's the hardest one to fit
for one who'd been so intimate with God.
Poor Yitzhak bore the scars throughout his life
of trauma we can never understand.
A surrogate must chastely woo his wife
unbound, but still strait-bounded by the Land.
The sagest can feel lost without a guide
through texts with which we can't be satisfied

White smoke

The greenest Speaker in a hundred years
reliant on his masters for the rules
The sum of Founding Fathers' darkest fears
"The People's House" entrusted to such tools.
"Young Earth Creationism " might make sense
to one as stupid as the MAGA mob.
Mike Johnson led the chants to "hang Mike Pence"
Exquisitely ill-suited to the job.
This Putin fanboy, hostile to Ukraine
would cut our allies off without a thought.
Without the prospect of some private gain
he's only "honest" in that he "stays bought".
If Bannon's hyper-partisans have won,
be certain nothing useful"s getting done.

scary clowns

Republicans can't govern their own ranks
and don't deliver on the deals they've made.
Now, Democrats look better to big banks
expecting service from the whores they've paid.
Pelosi's Congress got our business done;
her caucus salivated to her bell.
While Gingrich might believe this clown-show's fun,
'Dysfunction!' as a brand's a bitch to sell.
Hakeem looks statesmen-like with outstretched hand,
exceptional, where all we hear is guile.
But still, this GOP can't name a man
secure enough to reach across the aisle.
Our Founding Fathers fighting for self-rule,
had no idea we'd elevate such fools.